We care about your children’s success.

We care about your children’s success.

The dictionary meaning of expectations is, “a belief that someone will or should achieve something.” It is an incredibly positive trait of a human being but, yes it has a but in it. How far should someone go with his or her expectation? “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” Do we follow this, no not at all? “If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.” Again, is this followed?  never!

Lately I have been studying some people’s expectations. May be with my age I have grown this habit of scrutinizing people!! I just observe and draw conclusion! So far, I have not gone to anyone and commented on their attitude, but I really wish I could have the courage! Especially when I see parents are ‘slaughtering’ their children (of course not physically but mentally) with their Sky-High expectations, I really want to speak up! Let me grow a little bit older, may be in my 60s! I will be bolder then!!

Case study 1: Jake (fictional name) is a fairly intelligent kid. Till middle school he was doing fine, getting A’s and B’s. His parents were constantly helping him with his assignments, and he had tutors. Mom and dad constantly tried to instill in little Jake’s mind that he “has to be” a doctor when he grows up, for that he must take up biological science in university. But Jake has a creative mind, he loves music, he loves to write, he adores drama and art. Deep inside he cherishes the wish to be in liberal arts, to be an artist! Once he goes to Highschool, his aspiration became higher because he had exceptionally good art and drama teacher. He was doing both, trying to please his parents and enjoying the art and drama projects. Disaster began when he started applying for university, he had no choice but to go to Carlton University for biological science. His parents were dreaming that their son will be a doctor one day. Each day in the university was a torture for Jake because he did not like the subject or the program. He started sinking within his inner self which pulled him deep down into the painful world of depression. Even then he managed to pass the courses till 3^rd year but once that was done, he could not take it anymore, he dropped out of university, came back home a different person, totally broken down. He was actually in the hospital as he almost died of overdose of sleep medicine!!! All this time his parents were in dark of the situation, they never listened to Jake even when he tried to make a point. “You have to be a doctor”, that was the last conversation he had with his parents. And now Jake doesn’t talk anymore!

Case study 2: This is a bit of a different scenario. Mandy (fictional name) is a mediocre student, and she has been a bit demotivated from her childhood, reason being the negligence of parents. They were very busy with their careers. They had no time for her. They never looked at her homework or anything related to her education. As a result, she became reluctant as well as her basic language and math skills could not grow strong. The basic deficiency remains. Once she started her middle school and parents were also a bit settled, they started looking at her report cards and they were not happy. Now begins the blame game! They blamed Mandy for not being attentive, they blamed the schoolteacher for not teaching properly, they blamed the tutors for not helping adequately! They started being very critical of everyone which slowly turned Mandy into a liar. She also started complaining against teachers, tutors and friends. She also started hiding her work from her parents. This story is continuing now. I will not be surprised if Mandy turns into a sociopath!

Both these kids are real people with regular lives except  both of them are overburdened with the stress of high expectations. During my 28years of teaching career I have come across hundreds more of these similar cases. I saw their suffering, for some I could make a change but for the most I was undone. Most of them are lost in darkness.

This experience helped me to conclude that all students should enjoy learning and do it at their own pace, not because someone said they have to hit an impossibly high grade. Seeing an otherwise talented student detach from the learning experience due to impossible expectations is not only disheartening, but also discouraging.

It is my utmost request to parents, “Please, your children are human beings with individual ideas and talents, don’t take them as your puppets. Give them space to grow. Guide them, give them choices. You will see, they will emerge as excellent accomplished members of the community. Be patient! Maybe they will not grow up to be a typical professional like a doctor or engineer or any other, so what? They will be artists or musicians or writers or contractors or even a handyman. Just be in the support system, teach them morality and compassion and the rest will be up to them. I promise there won’t be any misfire!”

Suvra Rahman

Academic Lead and Director

A E Academy

When I look back, I realize that “Be positive”, “think positive”, “have patience” ……. These are the most used phrases throughout the pandemic period! At first it felt right of course but not anymore! After a long one year of staying home, working from home, losing someone close to your heart, not socializing and what not…. it is becoming a burden! It is having a tremendous toll on all our mental health. Kids cannot be kids having their everyday school, friends, playtime, birthday parties and so on… Teenagers with their raging hormones have no outlet, no friendly gatherings, no chit-chat, no movies, no dates and the list goes on… Men without watching games with buddies, movies, entertainments and on top of that jobs and money… Women without kitty parties, gossip rooms and jobs……

 The COVID-19 pandemic has had a major effect on our lives. All of us are facing challenges that can be stressful, devastating, and cause strong emotions in adults and children. Public health actions, such as social distancing, are necessary to reduce the spread of COVID-19, but they make us feel isolated and lonely and increase stress and anxiety as we are social beings. Most of us are huggers, party goers and wanderers. Looking good is another way of showing positivity but now we must wear masks and hide our happy faces. It is very distressing not to see someone’s expression while talking!!

All these “new normal” are causing a lot of stress and the outbursts come in all different shapes and sizes. It brings feelings of fear, anger, sadness, worry, numbness, or frustration. Changes in appetite, energy, desires, and interests are noticeable. People face difficulty in concentrating, making decisions, relaxing or sleeping. Strangely enough, people have physical reactions, such as headaches, body pains, stomach problems, and skin rashes!!Worsening of chronic health or mental health conditions becomes common. Last but not the least, increased use of tobacco, alcohol, and other substances becomes a burning issue.

BUT…. being the topmost Being in the food chain(!!) we must be positive and cannot give up. So many stories of goodness and love are in the air. People are doing groceries for the covid affected patients, keeping the items on the porch or on the bonnet of the car; having constant communication so that the patients don’t feel lonely; last but not the least if unfortunately someone dies, doing all the arrangements for their funeral…..that is humanity.

Pivot is another word that is added to our everyday dictionary. All of us are pivoting to survive. All the kids are taking upper hand on us the old school people who used to say that the young generation is too much dependent on technology because technology is actually keeping us alive. I myself made a pivot in my teaching style. I am teaching all online.

Even with all this pivoting, our stress level is not getting any lower. Covid fatigue is striking hard, combating it also is extremely hard. Even then we must strive to fight against it. These are the few actions we should exercise to protect us:

To begin with, we need to take time to check in with ourselves which we often do not do as if we came to this world for others. We also need to reflect on how we are doing, not to see if we are being perfect but to watch if we are continuing to do what we need to do.

Secondly if we feel irritated, impatient, angry; we need to accept that all these responses are normal and understandable during such a difficult time.

Lastly, if we are suffering from fatigue, anxiety or depression, we should seek help. Nothing should be kept hidden inside.

 We must remember that life must go on. We must be positive. We as free human beings, forgot the pain of restriction and isolation. COVID 19 reminded us how privileged we have been and how we misused our freedom. And moreover, vaccine is the light at the end of the tunnel. So, BE POSITIVE, BE POSITIVE and BE POSITIVE!!

Suvra Rahman

Academic Lead & Director

Not long ago…. Eid was such an event of excitement. It was full of activities.

Eid as a child was only new dresses, good food and accompanying mom to relatives’ houses. No school, no studies and lots of fun programmes on tv. Eid as an adolescent was shopping with mom for dresses (and the dresses had to be like the Indian actresses’ dresses!!), going to neighbours’ houses with the neighbourhood friends, collecting eidii money from anyone that is elder than I was, eating sumptuous food in everyone’s house, coming home in the evening tired, watching Eid natok on tv. University days were more fun! Along with shopping, new dresses and this that, there was a new addition! Secret Boyfriend!! It was a totally a thrilling experience. All of us friends had to make a scheme so as how to go out with the Boyfriend without letting anyone know!!!

So, those were the good old days! Then begins the endless days of responsibilities once you are married, have a job and a child!!

Shopping is still there but it is mostly for others, good food is there but you have to cook it yourself, and rather than you, going out, guests will be crowding your home, you will of course get tired but not for enjoyment but for entertaining guests all day and evening.

Even then, eid is eid. Eid means joy, and it is a blissful occasion. Though we complain that eid of the adulthood is not fun, but it comes to us with a different meaning, that is not self-entertainment but sacrifice and giving back to the society. The happiness lies in giving gift and food to the less fortunate people of the society.

Now, what is eid to our North American generation? I was asking my students around; the response was varied. Most of them they do not really care about eid because it is not highlighted anywhere. They like Christmas more than eid, the reason is pretty clear. Christmas has all the grandeur, the malls are decorated like magical fairylands, Santa greets them in so many places, the giant Christmas trees are lit up in the main squares of the city, Christmas parade…. oh, so magical, so many programs are broadcasted on tv, so many special movies are there………so it is all fun and festivity all around. But for our eid, there is no national festivity, it is celebrated only among the ethnic groups. It is nothing but a private ceremony. Our children know it as a one-day special event when mom cooks good food if she does not have work on that day (as it is never a holiday like a Christmas day), and if they have close family and friends then they go out to visit them dressing up. We the parents need a plan to present eid in far majestic manner to our children otherwise not only the festivity but also the religious aspect of it will be lost forever. We have to be united in our efforts to establish our culture and religion otherwise our next generation will not be able to carry our tradition forward. In Canada, slightly over 1 million individuals identified themselves as Muslim, representing 3.2% of the nation’s total population, this is a considerable number to stand for our own rights and rituals. We should begin the movement.

Suvra Rahman

Academic Lead and Director

A E Academy